log 05: i fucking suck at devlogging

december 29th, 2025

 

greetings and salutations everyone!!! i have not had ANY time for updating my site thanks to school and like, um,,, mostly just working on my game..... i suppose that's better though, no?! like, i'm working on the actual game instead of talking about working on the game?? whateveeeerr....

i wanted to deliver a status update on how the game's going. mostly because the game's going so well i want to express how happy i am about it.... and what better place than my personal dumping ground for all things catskulls. so like, hello, hello! here i am! aren't you glad to see me?!? who am i even talking to?!?! i have no idea

last time i checked in to update this devlog on the progress of the first level, seeing as i had just completed it. very nice, very cool! something very strange happened though. call it autism or something, but i'm currently in a position where the entire demo of the game has been finished save for assets and sfx. yes, you read that correctly.... the demo's done..... i'm so fucking good at updating this devlog!! what, like four shitty devlogs and we've basically got a demo?!??! ELLEN!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID WE MISS!!!!!!

i've got the cutscenes, all the maps are done, i revised the main menu for like the 2938239th time, i've got a tutorial level, i've got all the weapons implemented, et cetera et cetera. and just before the one year anniversary of the game's development! (that's jan 14th, by the way!) i'm writing this like right before the new year, so it's kind of surreal to consider the fact i've gotten this far. especially taking into account the fact i had no fucking clue about anything related to godot just a year ago kek

so here's to everything i've gotten done in a bit under a year! the demo for paranormal research society is set to come out in the first half of 2026! isn't that exciting?!?!

now that a release of sorts is actually coming up, just last week i had a whole marketing meeting with my friends kumi and tally trying to figure out how to get my game out to the public. i don't think that'll go well, but i was really larping as a professional!!!! i was cosplaying narumi momose and everything!!!!!

   

kumi took this photo of our meeting. you can see me at the bottom as narumi. i'm cleaning my glasses because i need to see things. tally hadn't joined yet....

i won't disclose what went on in the meeting for business reasons (i kept going on about fujoshis for 4 hours) but i'm very excited to show everyone what i've got. even if i am really nervous to show everything what i've got. i want to, but it's super scary. yikes

another very important update is that i've recruited some voice actors to help with my project. terribly professional sounding, i know, but i can't do all the sound effects for this game myself... you see, i am the furthest thing from a voice actor and i decided to write a voiced monologue into the opening cutscene. incredible foresight, i know!

so as it turns out, much like humanities majors, actors seem to also be desperate for work. i posted a quick, mysterious casting call on reddit, revealing as little details about my game as i possibly could because i'm terribly afraid of publicly revealing my baby, and got maybe like 40 different people sending me their auditions, some of which were actual professionals in their thirties!

in case you couldn't tell, i'm 18 (basically a toddler in adult years) and also extremely scared of people showing attention towards my game. so having actual professional ADULT adults telling me how cool my screenshots were and how they would be honored to work with me basically scared me to bits and i kind of shut down. like, i'm super bad with handling compliments. no less at this capacity. from people with actual careers. like guys guys guys pLEASeEeEeEeEe i'm literally just a hobbyist

thankfully, this one seriously professional guy around my age auditioned for the protagonist's role and whaddya know. he's actually really fucking talented and perfectly suited for the role, too.... he was very easy to talk to as well, so i recruited him for the project! even better, he helped me find a voice actor for the second role as well — a seriously talented individual who happens to be from the same state the game supposedly takes place in!!! she's perfect, really, and i feel kind of dizzy even thinking about the fact people as talented as these two wanted to work with me. it's scary. really scary.

but now that i've got a bunch of people helping me on the voicing front, i'm confident i'll totally get something really cool out!! i'm nervous, scared, terrified, even, perhaps a little spooked, but really excited to work with all these talented people next year. being a solo dev is definitely my path in life, i need total creative control — but having people with their own talents helping doesn't devalue my work at all, and i feel like being able to accept help from others is a sign of strength. after all, you can only do so much with sfx you find on the internet...

marketing and voice actors aside. i've been getting more and more confident in my game day by day. it's a really dizzying experience for someone who has never been confident in anything they've ever made! it's not even that i think my game is good. i'm just really proud of it and understand the fact that it's good enough. this is my first game. like, not just my first game with godot, my first game period. i'm not even 20!!! i've got decades upon decades to make games after this, and i do not intend on stopping. i fully believe this is what i'm meant to do in life, and paranormal research society is just the beginning. and holy shit, THIS IS ONE HELL OF A START!!!

i've finally went public with the game now, so to speak. yes, i have been posting about it on this website, but i'll admit something to you — i fail to comprehend the fact people visit this website. like, to me, this is just my personal private diary-slash-playground and this very devlog is screaming into the void. by public here i mean actually posting about it on a social media platform.

unfortunately, i'm so out of the loop on all things social media because i literally do not use social media anymore. any of them. my voice actors had to tip me off to the fact fucking nobody actually uses bluesky and i had to go back to twitter. thank you miguel very helpful advice. but i also don't know how to post on social media so it's kind of awkward? here's to hoping i'll manage to do something.

after our little marketing meeting last week, my friends advised me to put my game's demo on steam. it looks like that's the general consensus actually and i was just telling myself my game wasn't good enough to put on steam. that's because steam is the big boy table and my game is just a little girl game. it's just a little hobbyist project. but NO. IT IS A BIG GIRL GAME AND IT'S GOING TO CONQUER THE BIG BOY TABLE BECAUSE FUCK MEN

so anyway thanks to steam being steam i now need to find 99.99 united states dollars and also figure out my tax shit

i'm not sure how i'm going to do that seeing as i am actually a student, i do not have a job and i spend all my free time making a game. i'm going to crowdfund 99.99 united states dollars. i'm not quite certain on what crowd i'd fund this with but i've been considering leeching two euros off my food budget every month until i meet the quota...

long story short, i've entered a completely new phase in development... polishing and marketing. it's super scary, having something that's defined my life for a year now be exposed to the internet and to other people. it's terrifying. hey, i dare you to count how many times i've said i'm scared in this devlog. i'll bet even that number would scare me, so i'm not counting myself. i'm not really even scared scared, it's more like stage fright, you know?! that kind of anxious anticipation that makes you feel sick to your stomach.

i've received nothing but positive feedback so far (save for extremely arrogant comments from like 3 different men, que sera sera) but for some reason it makes me feel really flustered to the point i don't even know how to react and i just kind of like. try to shrug it off or just cry on the floor. i couldn't even listen to the auditions people sent me for the voice acting roles because i felt too embarrassed about the fact all these talented people were reading dialogue i wrote. like i'm so so so so sorry i just started apologizing habitually. developing a game is the best and worst thing i've ever done

either way, the next time i'll post on here is probably to announce a proper release date for the demo or just straight up link a fucking steam page by the way things have gone so far. like, honestly, this devlog is not a priority, and i've been working like there's no tomorrow, literally! my brain is hardwired to believe every single school day is the day i die, which is also why i average 4 hours of sleep on school nights

best regrets,
ellen alias catskulls

 

quote of the week:

 

“men try to understand that this is NOT your game challenge: impossible”

— kumi, 2025